The Breaking Point

This week has been quite interesting for me. I have often lead people to find out what their breaking point is. To intentionally keep taking on more and more until you break. Until the point where you are exhausted, your brain is fried, your productivity is down no mater how long and hard you work at it, your relationships are strained, etc. This may seem harsh, but you get a lot out of it. You learn what you can and can't do and how much you actually can do and still remain in good spiritual, mental and bodily health. At that point, you are also forced to evaluate your priorities and to say no those things that you want to do, but get in the way of those priorities. You also have to cut off the things that you are capable of doing (maybe even better than most) and probably enjoy doing for the sake of focusing in on God wants you to do. Even though it takes a while to see, will usually bring your life into the most fulfillment, Because He ultimately know more than we do about the fullness of our calling.

So, anyway, i have found myself there this week. I have actually been there for probably over a month and didn't even recognize it. I believe everything is connected ... our spiritual life is connected to our mental life ... our mental life is connected to our physical life ... our physical life is connectd to our spiritual life ... you get the point. For instance, if your mind is fuzzy, numb, not so clear and maybe not so diciplined, then you will usually be able to see that your body and how you feed it, how you excersise (or not) and how disciplined you keep it will also be out of wack. Which usually causes you to then look at your spiritual life and look there for where you hunger, discipline, humility, etc all land ... and usually you go, wait! My prayer life is lame, my discipline to read and study God's word isn't really there and the hunger to continue isn't really strong either. That was kind of where I was at: tired, worn out, working hard & long with less results, family time wasn't quality, motivation was dropping, mentally fatigued and fuzzy ... AARRRRGGGGGGG! I just wanted to scream to the point of bursting into a million little piece, but didn't have enough strength to get off the couch ... haha, pretty pathetic really (smile). On Tuesday (7/8/08) I was talking to my best friend Jeremy Gall (a traveling evangelist up in Northern Ohio) about all the stuff going on, about the thoughts and feelings and doubts of where I was. I remember saying: "How can I pray for God to Make me feel better, give me energy, mental clarity and get rid of all this, when it is really my fault. Say that He did make me feel better, what good would that do? The root of the problem, in my case, was deeper. My sleep habits, eating habits, work habits, spiritual habits, etc. would be the actual issue. Most of the conversation was actually very inspired, I will hit on some of those thing later maybe (not today).

Right after I got off the phone, I was so exhausted that I went right to sleep for like two and a half hours, got up ate and played a game with the kids. Then about 10:30 or so I started work and worked until about 3:00AM. It was extremely productive work on a project! Then went to bed and woke up without the alarm clock at about 8:30 and started work again. I was able to spend some time just praying and evaluating everything that I was doing and seeing what needed cut off and how to revise how I was working and blocking off time. There ended up being another short nap, good family time and long night working until like 4AM. To make this short, this week God has heard my cry even though I really see how I could pray to about something that was my fault. My life has been revised in a few short days. My work habits and schedule, my sleeping habits, my mental clarity, my spiritual habits and desires, my eating habits and hungers. I feel more energetic and alive than I have in several months. Praise God ... He does hear and answer our prayers and even has the grace to hear a prayer that was really not even "prayed" and certainly with not any faith and He give me my hearts desire ... just because He loves me.